paths

 

Drinking chai, eating cacao nibs and thinking about my life right now.  I've been on a few adventures, uranian-energy wise, new and different things pretty much for the purpose of the experience and it's been fun.  As far as my career life, I'm working part time as a buyer at a health food store so I decide what gets stocked and how it's merchandised.  I get a bunch of free food and supplements, some of it very expensive raw goodies and ridiculously expensive supplements (I'm taking 300mg of CoQ10 a day, talk about energy! it's like $50 for a month's worth normally).  In the evenings I massage some standing clients.  I am about to hunt down an evening gig somewhere a few nights a week and then I'll be pretty set on the career thing for a while.  Part time this and that works for me.  It took me until age 30 to learn that (and to not even attempt the corporate world.) We really do learn things the hard way with age! 

I'm gathering up members to make music once again.  Our first practice should be either this weekend or next.  I'm finally going to do the kind of music I've always wanted and take the lead on this group.  In the past I've always taken a passive role and just floated on by.  This is changing!  Though I find that I have so many passions, it's hard to squeeze them all into a week.  It's been on my mind lately... that this is my life.  It's not a dress rehearsal, it's happening right now.  I've been manifesting my intentions and that's been giving me the confidence to make even more.  Things are manifesting quickly, so dream big! 

Life stuff and Yacon spirit cookies

I broke up with coffee.  We just weren't working anymore.  As of this weekend I have officially moved on in my life!  Though I'm having a rebound affair with Yerba Mate... oh I've flirted with him in the past, it's just that he is helping me quite a bit to not miss or think about You Know Who anymore!  I'm also strictly off sugar.  I already have a pretty strict avoidance policy but for now this is also extending to honey, maple syrup and even agave.  I used something called Yacon syrup in cookies I made with millet flour that came out delicious.  Yacon is really cool. It's a root from Peru that tastes sweet yet has no sugar.  Plus it's fun to say.  I told a friend of mine I made Yacon sweetened millet seed cookies and she about died with laughter. Yeah... fine...go on and laugh! Actually I was laughing the whole time I was making them.  I fully realize what a weirdo I am. ;)  Ok, so as I was saying, sugar hates me big time.  This past week my hypoglycemia was out of control.  It's always been somewhat of an issue but lately it's become a really big issue, hence me breaking up with coffee and all things sweet.  I've also let go of the goal of someday being 100% raw food.  Emphasis on raw with Mediterranean works best for my body. I'm cool with that, going to let expectations and guilt go, for good. I've been experimenting with whole grains -millet, amaranth, black rice, wild rice, etc. more and I've found whole grains plus beans make me feel like I can function again.  Amino acid combinations, and all that.

I've fallen back in love with clothing and style again.  This past year I went extremely simplistic in terms of style because I didn't feel inspired, quite honestly.  The only thing that stoked the fires of inspiration somewhat was the fashions of ancient Greece. But most of the time I was running off to school and not thinking artistically.  I'm feeling artistic urges tingling again.  Music, painting, design, sewing, dance.  I officially have too many interests!  I guess that never goes away completely but it comes in waves, sometimes stronger than other times.

My hair is healthy again.  Monoi de Tahiti oil is the bomb, folks. Magical gardenias plucked by moonlight and soaked in coconut oil. Seriously. It wouldn't even look any better if unicorns made it themselves. If I did a before and after picture it would be a picture of a bale of hay and then a Pantene commercial. Ok, maybe not that bad but you get my drift. I like my hair again! Hooray.

My exam is in 2 weeks and that will be another big, huge checkmark on my list! Getting in that last bit of studying, especially Chinese medicine, which is delightful and confusing all at the same time.

Monoi De Tahiti and healing my hair

I have been rather obsessed with healing my poor hair lately, whom I have put through such terrible experiments that I feel quite bad about it all. I have dyed it back as closest to my original color as I could, which was a 3 step process that I had to meticulously research as my hair has been bleached and fried by a salon last summer when I was a model for them (awful experience, I won't go into the details... I should have walked out and them frying my hair was a lesson learned - big time!) Well it's pretty close to my natural color now, a med-dark golden blonde and I am so relieved, however, I have been doing deep conditioning treatments with coconut oil and rosemary for the past two weeks and it has made all the difference! Honestly, I can't believe it's done so much for my ends which I thought were beyond repair. Coconut oil is my hair holy grail! I promised my hair that I would only treat it well from now on and bless it with essential oils and lovely things only. My natural color is amazing actually... what was I thinking otherwise??


Well I was doing a bit of research on something called Argan oil and stumbled upon something else entirely, called Monoi De Tahiti - a Tahitian oil that consists of gardenia flowers soaked in coconut oil. Tahitian ladies use it on their skin and hair and apparently it smells amazing. My intuition practically yelled at me - GET IT NOW! So I placed an order, though I had never heard of it or smelled it before. Upon more research, ancient Tahitians use this oil in birth and death ceremonies and it's considered magical and sacred. I'm waiting on it in the post but I'm betting this stuff is amazing because just thinking about it is making my solar plexus all fluttery! I'm getting the feeling that yes, this oil will help my hair heal even more but there's something else to it. I once had a powerful experience with a blooming gardenia bush on a full moon. The smell was intoxicating, I felt like I was in a cloud of love and the gardenia bush told me to take one and wear it because "it would help me to heal my heart". I'm making realizations as I write this, no wonder I felt so drawn to Monoi De Tahiti!
I'm having some crazy powerful dreams lately, and I'm getting messages from a totem animal again, daily- in dreams and in waking life. I'll write more about that later. It's a story that's still being weaved and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm being brought back into this powerful current of awareness and magic. I truly feel like I'm dancing on a tightrope of worlds right now! It's a good feeling though, like veils are being lifted and balance is being restored inside of me once again.

everything comes full circle

I am being astounded at how circular my life lessons are. People truly hold mirrors for us, reflecting back what we are to ourselves through them. Sometimes this is uncomfortable actually, and sometimes it just plain sucks! But nonetheless, in my newly grounded stance, these lessons are invaluable. The reflection may be extremely magnified, in order to get the lesson. Then it just becomes absurd, except that your dealing with real people and after all the mulling over symbolism, still must act with compassion and grace. Balance...

relaxing, clearing, and rose petals

My mini vacation was exactly what I needed. I spent most of the time swimming, sunning and trying out massage freebies at the convention. I still have bruises from a deep tissue treatment to my shoulder/pecs where the guy used his feet to get deep pressure and had me do range of motion with my arms. Even though it looks like I've been the victim of abuse, my upper shoulders do feel less tense. I laid on a 'biomat' made of amethyst and felt totally stoned for the rest of the day. I guess theres a reason they cost upward of a thousand dollars! I couldn't imagine using that on a daily basis and being able to function in the real world. Maybe before bed...

I got a nice sized sample of a headache/digestion blend from Earth Angel Oils which I used in the bath last night. It's a blend of lavender, peppermint, pine and geranium and was very relaxing. Good quality oils and you can tell they are made with love.

I visited my friend Bashar for a day and he took me to the middle eastern grocery where we got labna and zaatar - a lebanese kifir that you put on pita or toast and an herbal blend that's made with oregano, thyme, sesame seeds and sumac that you sprinkle on top. It tastes amazing and he's amused that I'm so obsessed with it! I also got lebanese rosewater packaged in glass (like it's supposed to be) which smells heavenly. Last night I blended it into a facial with powdered rose petals and corn meal and my skin feels soft and refreshed. It needed something after the harshness of swimming all day in chlorinated water. My hair is still in recovery.

Today is ground, center and get caught up day. This upcoming week is going to bring changes. Clearing my mind, heart and space in order to make a place for the best manifestations possible.

The new chapter, the uncertain chapter

The past few days have been nice. Graduation was good, I got caught up on some chores then had a date that night. He got me chocolate which was cute, and he was nice, but I felt no connection even though I was happy to hang out and chat for a bit.
Yesterday a classmate and I spent all day at the beach, swimming and lazing about on the sands and eating salad greens by the handfuls. I brought the fruit and we had our pita chips broken into by a thief crow! He flew off with one and we attempted to give him chase, his caws breaking through the sky like laughter. He pecked an awkward hole in the bottom of the bag which had crumbs spilling out everywhere for the rest of the duration of our trip! Later we went to my favorite beach to watch the sunset and had a ridiculously expensive margarita. The sunset was pink and orange and spread across the entire sky. We picked up shells and walked to the rocks and watched the almost-full moon come out. A 19 year old tried to pick me up on the dock. Fun times.

Now I am trying to organize my world and major uncertainties have come up. I have had a dream rather recently of my home being flooded and about a year ago I had a dream with a similar theme. I had another dream recently about the landlord wanting to 'drill for oil under the house' and how bad it would be but she wouldn't listen. I have done a tremendous amount of personal research on the gulf and have weeded through a lot of opinions, discarding things when my gut says 'move on'. I take the opinions of geologists more seriously, they don't have any reason to sensationalize anything and they aren't exactly glamorous reading, however certain things concern me which have a direct impact on my life and where I go from here.

There is a large quantity of methane under where the failed drilling is, which geologists are greatly concerned about. The first unstable sign of a methane release is fissures and cracks in the seabed, which is now happening. If methane is released a number of things could happen, one of them being a tsunami. I am reading this and feeling uneasy because it made me remember the dream I had last night, that I didn't even remember upon waking this morning. I don't want to be worried and fearful, but I want to be safe. I don't know where to go from here, but I'm getting a feeling I may have to leave Florida. I love it here and this makes me sad. Where do I go from here? More later, I have to think.

Love and river magic

Yesterday I went down to the dock by the river at sunset like I normally do. It's a very nice stroll to the dock, very private and surrounded by nature and lots of green. I love it and look forward to it, even though it's gotten extremely muggy lately. As I was walking I began to feel a surge of love move through me. I started to laugh and everything I walked by I told I love you to. I love you cypress tree! I love you amazing dragonfly. I love you green grass, moss, dirt, clouds! I felt silly and free and I could feel my heart chakra opening up and freeing up the sadness I have been dealing with because of the painfulness of my beloved Gulf's crisis. I got to the river and sat on the dock. I usually say prayers for the river, the gulf, all of water really and ask that people be awakened and that love will prevail. Well I did that but I also started sending out massive waves of love. All of the sudden I look down where my legs are dangling and see this large snout poke up out of the water. I drew my legs up thinking it was an alligator but then noticed that the snout was smooth and grey and just then it blew out a puff of air and I saw the large grey body rise to the surface. A manatee! I've never seen a manatee in the river! I didn't even know they came in this far. She swam by and I saw her big flat tail swoosh under the water... it had a long white scar along it's entire surface. And then she was gone. I felt so blessed I just radiated happiness all over the place and couldn't contain myself. Of course I sent her love too. And a million thanks.